Port to Port

My thoughts were in the right place or so I thought!
 You see I can not sail and enjoy it due to recent surgery on my back and multiple surgery for breast cancer. Plus the fact that I get sea SICK!
So this left the "Captain" in need of a first mate. This brings in to play my best friend. She had not been on a sail boat before and had the needed strength to help sail. Plus she was in a situation she needed a break from. I thought WIN WIN!!  My "friend" could go a nice little day sail while my husband the "Captain" would have crew for the trip. I should have remember how that turned out for the S S Minnow. Another day cruise that left lives changed for ever.
What the #%*@ was i thinking.
No more will I trust any one, betrayal by those you trust and love will cut you to the bone.
Married for 30 years friends for 15  Stabbed in back and heart in minutes by both.
Now I find myself with pieces so broken they can never be put back together.
WOW I fought the hell out of cancer for life only to have the value of it taken from me by so many.

It's My Birthday!!

I celebrated my 51st birthday this week. I can remember being in my teens and twenties thinking how old 50 would be. Now I am so excited to be 51. Surviving cancer puts each new day in the perspective of a blessing. I am approaching my 3rd year out as a cancer survivor. I was told that I had a 90 percent chance the cancer will come back within 5 years. So I try to celebrate every time I can.

Rob was so sweet! He surprised me at work with roses. It is special to grow old and spend the last years of your life with a childhood sweet heart. The girls at work asked how long we had been married, I said 30 years this June. They were surprised  when I told them we have known each other almost all our lives and we were (pre) High School sweet hearts. They did not believe me. I explained it was common among  the people my age from Antlers. I told them we have several friends who have been married as long as we have.

This year I wanted to do  "something" to celebrate and mark the date. I tried to have a blow out party last year and it only blew out. It is so difficult to get all my family together on the same weekend and always seems to just cost so dang much to do anything. I have not let go of having a birthday party, it is still on my bucket list. So is floating the river in San Antonio (fat and Lop sided) ha ha!

Now back to this "something" I did to celebrate this year. I should have known from the get-go that just about anything you find to do in our small town turns out to be "cheesy". We made some good memories any way! LOL

The ad read "Big Top Circus" wow a circus that will be fun. And my granddaughter Finli is 11 months old so she will have some fun too.
As luck would have it my daughter was able to attend and bring her nephew. I watched his parents grow up so he is special to me also.
The sound in Sarah's voice when she called to tell me she was at the site for the circus was not the excitement I had anticipated to hear it was more of dismay .The call went something like..Mom, we are out here where the circus is supposed to be. I do not see much. (me) No circus tents?  No   (me) Any circus animals?  Uh no the only animals I see around is a Shetland Pony and a goat!  My heart sank then the humor set in. I am going to a circus to see a goat!
When we arrived at the convention center the circus was being held inside. Too late to back out and I really wanted to do my "something " to mark this date!  The sign read "amazing house cats" I said see they will have Cats, then I noticed the emphasis on "House Cats" that's what they were plain old house cats! Well trained but not Lions or Tigers.

It was still a good time spent with my children and granddaughter. I will  remember the look on Ben's face all night. He so wanted to say "Really MOM" but he was a good sport.
Now I have a new item on my list. Just as Janet Joplin said I must make Amends. So the goal is to make it to a "real" Circus with all my children. Watch out Ringling Brothers. I am saving my money for front row seats when they come to town.

 Oh lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz.
My friends all drive porsches, I must make amends.
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends.
So oh lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz

Children Learn what they live.

This will always be "home" Finley Oklahoma Pushmataha County.

Walking on Briar Branch with Frances and LuElla our Nanny

Looks like I have always loved being on the farm. Even today I enjoy feeding my chickens as Pony stands in the background waiting his turn.   Me on XT- about 1964

Regrets

I have found out I regret the things I did not do so much more than the things I did.
I miss the people I wish I could have spent more time with.

LOVE!

As a child I grew up loving my parents and siblings. I can remember crying when my mom would leave me. I also remember crying when my brother (Robert Alonzo Morris Jr.) went to vietnam. I did not know my biological father until I was 16. I found out I had 2 (Other brothers) and a 1/2 sister that had already passed from a brain aneurysm. I did meet my Grandmother on my fathers side and enjoyed spending time with her. I was known as a Morris child and loved my sisters and brother as if we were full brother and sisters. Daddy loved me as his own. Not because he had to but because he wanted too. He never once said anything about me not being his child. I am sure this was not just out of love for me but for my mom. Mom married Robert Morris they has 2 children, Carolyn and Alonzo. She then married Jack Suthered and they had Francis. She then married my father and divorced before I was born. She said Robert had always told her if she needed anything to call. So when I was born she called him and told him she had just had me and needed help getting back to Push.Co so she could get Carolyn and Lonzo back in school. Daddy had been saving money to buy a new Buick. That is the money he used to come to Norman and bring us back to Finley. So he called me his little Buick. When my mom passed there was a plant delivered that had the note for a beautiful wonderful lady I am so happy I knew you. Made me smile Mom still had it! Wish I knew the man that sent it to her. Now back to my thought for today....we start out loving our families as children. Our hearts are continent for a while. Then we start dating and think we fall in love for some hundreds of times. Then we meet that someone special that just takes our heart away. Once again we feel continent. Then we find that the two of us have so much love together that we need to share it. Thus..the birth of my first child. I did not know my heart had any room left for more love until I held that precious baby girl, I was overwhelmed by love. Looking at her and falling in love was amazing. She made my world. I thought this is it I am complete. Oh was I ever wrong..When I found out I was going to have another child I could feel my heart grow with love. Then to find out I was having a Son!! WOW who could ask for more! A daughter and a son!! I have loved them with ever fiber of my being. I had absolutley no idea that becoming a "Granny" could bring so much love into my heart. Just to see Finli's sweet little face makes me smile. Now I look forward to my daughter having her first child. I can only imagine how much love will grow in my heart when I first see that sweet little face.  Waiting to love more.......

Hump Day!!

Well it kinda fits I feel like I've been F*&%#@.  I became overwhelmed with the fear my cancer would come back. I am happy have a great job wonderful friends and family. I am working on my bucket list . Today it just got to me I still fight the fatigue and deal with the pain everyday. I am just scared
I will run out of time before I see and do all the things I want to. The number one item on my list is spending time with my family. I love them so much and wish we could just fill up our hearts with good memories.
Why is it you become famous after you die?

I know today was just to steal God's Glory in the fact that I am healed. So I am not going to let that happen.

Monday, Monday

Oh days like today make me so thankful to come home to peace and quite! I just love living in the woods. The air smelled so clean today after the rain. Even the frogs are happy and singing
 I cut a head of cabbage  from the garden and picked some lettuce for a nice salad. Going to have a really good meal. Then kick back put my feet up and watch a movie.  And try to let the day just roll away. It is difficult to do, you see I really just hate being taken advantage of. Lied to and manipulated. Life is too Fing short to play games. Found out someone I know has stage 4 lung cancer spread  to liver,kidney and bones.  What a day!!